Pleased to Meet You Hope You Guessed My Name...

Isaiah 61:3
To all who mourn in Israel,
    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
    festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

I met an interesting woman the other day.  She is in her mid forties, somewhat attractive, busy, takes care of her family and is just now beginning to see her worth as a human being and a child of God.  Yes, you guessed it...the woman is me.  I somehow feel I am just waking up from a incredibly restless slumber.  You see I was diagnosed with postpartum depression over three years ago. During that time, I functioned in life, but just enough to survive and keep my family afloat. I think my oldest son bore the brunt of it.  He was 17 when his baby brother was born. Wyatt was eleven.  But with one antidepressant behind me I am beginning to see the real me beginning to blossom from the ashes of my past. I began reading a book by T.D. Jakes titled A Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord.  Some of it relates toward unmarried women, but I have already read some nuggets of wisdom in the few pages I have managed to complete.  It mainly explains that we have to know ourselves.  We have to spend time with ourselves, be kind to that woman in the mirror, love her and only expect the best for her. Yes, I am a firm believer of giving my best to others, but I also need to give it to myself.  Use my gift of hospitality to pamper me just as I would a guest in my home.I am learning that if I don't love and respect myself, If I continue in the downward spiral of self loathing, I am never going to escape the self esteem issues I have.  I have to set standards of how I expect to be treated and not allow anyone to treat me differently, not even myself.   God loves me and put me here for a purpose. At one time I believed it was only to bring my children (likeable, deserving men of God) into the world, that my existence   did not matter.  I can see how wrong I was.  How my life is purposeful beyond birthing children.  I have a lot to offer and I am ready to open my life to the Lord for him to use my life for his purposes and I truly believe he finds pleasure in me. I need to know that woman, I need to learn to enjoy her too.
Lately I find myself smiling for no reason, taking things lighter than I normally would and the only thing that seems to upset me is my little man, Jesse.  He is a good and sweet boy, he is just 3 and 3/4 years old and very active and so smart.  He knows the right buttons to push to get me on my ear and I think I am beginning to see why he does it.  I have a habit, although not meaning to, of putting Jesse on the back burner to anything computer oriented, housework or any other thing that needs concentration to accomplish.  That has to change and it will.  The last two nights I got him bathed and ready for bed before nine (way before nine tonight).  Tomorrow instead of hitting facebook and games on my iPod I am going to me and Mister dressed and take a walk, maybe even before breakfast.  I am going to sit with him as he eats his meals at the table and do planned activities through the day, including housework and other must do things as a homemaker.  I hope to not get on the internet until after I put him to bed, but if I peek at my iPod  a time or two during the day I see no harm as long as I am putting what is important first.  What is important? Me. My time getting to know and love myself, prayer and worship to get to know my God.  Jesse and needed time with him is high on the priority list, Wyatt and AJ's needs also need to be met  although theirs is not as pressing, I adore my older sons and desire to be with them.  Time with my husband needs to be squeezed in.  I love him and want to hold his hand and talk. His needs of course require a bit of maneuvering due to his work schedule.  Then there is meals, housework and the needs of others.  I want to be in ministry to others and that can be a lifestyle rather than a title.  There are hundreds of ways to love on others. I feel good and for the first time in a very long time I look forward to tomorrow....
Praise God for His never ending mercies!