Thursday, October 11, 2012

Pondering....Pondering.....Pondering




Life for me has greatly improved.  I have removed distractions that divides my attention from my family and I have gratefully removed the antidepressant and the anti anxiety meds from my daily life.  The longer I am away from the pharmacudical help, the stronger I seem to become.  I still have my issues from time to time, but with prayer and time out I am happier than I have been in a long time.
I have to wonder what is happening with my life though.  I really want a part time seasonal job to help out through the holidays. Even without excessive spending, Halloween through New Years can be expensive.  The extra and special foods alone can put a crunch in a budget.  With the way that Doug works I just don't see how I can work even a few hours a day.  Wyatt doesn't get home until 3.  Even if I worked say 4-9 I would not see Doug...he sleeps all day until supper time. That is a huge family event.  We actually share a meal at the table and laugh our way through it.  It would cut into Jesse's bedtime schedule and I would not see Wyatt at all....I guess I am just going to have to be patient and wait for Jesse to start school before applying to work anywhere.  Morning hours is the only time that would not take me away from my home life and the men I love.
I wish things would improve for AJ.  He is having a difficult time finding work.  He applied at Pizza Hut and Family Dollar and received an email telling him he is not qualified.  He must have left something off or maybe the hours he wants to work doesn't fit what they are looking for.  He applied at Marquart today...we'll see...
I have joined a homeschool group as well as MOMS of Cazenovia.  Although I am looking into Headstart for Jesse, we are doing and will continue to do preschool things at home.  I can see that I will spend more time with MOMS than the other group, but both are going to be beneficial to our year as a homeschool family.
I don't know why life takes it's twist and turns...how one year we can have an over abundance of everything and then it take a violent turn into just getting by.  AJ having to leave Elim was almost as hard on me as it was him.  I hate not being able to support my son.   I wish Doug would allow me to keep a child in our home...that would be good for Jesse and some income for me....with just one I could take them with me on my outings...blah blah blah....thanks for letting me blog my thoughts today....if you have any suggestions I would be most grateful!

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